Most people think that relationships are all about how you interact with other people in your life. The people in your life including your family, friends, business associates or coworkers and every person you meet in your travels are all players in your game of life, in the drama that you create. Actually, the quality of those relationships and the amount of joy or pain they bring into your experience is directly related to your relationship with who you are.
We have a lot of rules for how a person should act if they 1) love us, 2) respect us or 3) are our friend and yet they will treat us how we treat ourselves not how we treat them. In fact when you do something because it is the “right” thing to do and you do it out of obligation it actually does nothing for you or the person you are doing it for. It may even make both of your lives less joyful.
So when we feel that we need to have someone act in a certain way to make us feel better we are so far from how it truly works. When we feel great about ourselves and love ourselves unconditionally then the people we attract into our lives will reflect that back to us. You don’t need any rules of conduct when you feel that way about yourself.
How we get to that place is a process of unlearning all the baggage that you have been carrying thus far? Baggage that you actually planned to get rid of for there is nothing you can’t do. You may have come into this game at the expert level with a lot of “stuff” to “overcome” but when you realize you are the creator and all things are in perfect order, you will be free to allow the desires born of that experience to become your now. And all we really have is the Now. Realizing how powerful you are and swallowing the pill of taking responsibility for all you have created thus far without blame is the first step. Seems like a huge first step but it is actually what forgiveness is all about. Realizing everyone was playing their part for you and doing the best that they could.
The second step is loving yourself unconditionally right where you are. For your truth is that you are magnificent, unlimited, spectacular and eternal and this game of life you are in is a blink of an eye to who you truly are. This game is both not to be taken so seriously and yet to be taken as the gift of now that you have given yourself which is precious. That is, if you are finding the joy in your now. Then again, your true self is finding the joy in your now and every negative emotion you have is telling you that you are disconnected from that.
So that would be a third step, actually understanding that your emotions are your choice and actually an indicator of whether your habits of thought are working to bring you your heartfelt desires or working against bringing into this life those things, people and experiences your truly want. When you have a negative emotion don’t blame circumstances or others for the emotion and certainly don’t blame yourself. Yes, your habits of thought have without exception created the feeling but it is an indicator of your disconnection from who you truly are. When your indicator says you are not loving yourself unconditionally then stop and work on that. Blame is not part of that work. Bless your negative emotion, then step back and realize you are not loving yourself unconditionally and have forgotten how unlimited you truly are. Depending on how far away you are from loving unconditionally and knowing who you truly are it is a process that can take a day or weeks or months or years or lifetimes…lol
If you are feeling selfish about all this, just realize that you can’t give to anyone else what you don’t have yourself. Any love with condition is really just manipulation so your greatest gift to anyone is to love yourself unconditionally so that you may give that to others. That doesn’t mean you won’t have strong preferences for the experiences and conditions of your life, in fact that is what you came to do. You came to mold your experiences to fulfill your desires and every person is unique in that molding. Loving unconditionally and having no judgment does not mean you won’t have strong preferences. In fulfilling your desires you will be fulfilling the desires of all the people in your life.
If it seems that your desires go against what someone else wants then realize they are in a place of manipulation and your greatest gift to them is not to be manipulated. Live your grandest life and let the other magnificent creators come into their own realizing that only unconditional love can help. Doing anything because you feel sorry for someone or don’t want to “hurt” their feelings is thinking less of them and doesn’t help you or them. Be authentic and realize you are only responsible for your own connection to who you truly are. It is only then that you can offer anyone anything of value. Sometimes that value is to not be manipulated.
If you are the one manipulating then own that and work on loving yourself unconditionally. If you are feeling hurt, mad, inadequate, sad etc. understand that these are just pure indications that you are not loving yourself unconditionally. Pure and simple as life was meant to be.
When you understand that you are an eternal, magnificent and unlimited being and are connected to that deeply you will find every relationship becomes joyful. You will find some relationships just go away and other more loving and fun relationships come into existence. You will find the people you meet in your travels will bring their A game to your experience even if their game is usually a D for anyone else. You will find more and more to be joyful about and appreciate the more you appreciate yourself so that you can actually appreciate others.