If it is true that what you give your attention to makes it more powerful and recreates it in your experience, then paying attention to circumstances you don’t enjoy is not the way to get rid of them. Many of us fear that if we make the best of where we are and find joy in our present experience in even the smallest of things that we are telling the universe to keep us where we are. It seems that we are also told that being appreciative of what we have is necessary to move into what we want in the future.
In a way it seems contradictory. Let’s clear that up because there is no contradiction. In finding any joy in your now you are paying attention to what is right with your life and there is so much right with your life in every moment. We have just made it a habit to focus on what is wrong to the exclusion of what is right. In doing that we spend all our power and attention on getting more of what is wrong and missing out on the joy of each moment.
There are times when the wrongness of the moment only serves to clarify what you don’t want. This is great if you move to thinking and enjoying the vision of what you want. The problem is that most of us think instead of getting rid of what we don’t want. Thinking about getting rid of what we don’t want is giving attention to what we don’t want. More of the same will come your way.
In addition anything wrong with your now experience is a product of your current and past thinking and attention. Without taking complete responsibility without blame of yourself or another, you can’t move past the incorrect thinking and create a new experience.
So you want to lose weight and all you focus on is that you can’t or when you do you gain it back. You fail to appreciate your beautiful eyes and smile and how good you look right now because you are constantly beating up on yourself. Appreciate what is right with you and envision the day that you show off your new look and have friends noticing.
So you want a new job with supportive coworkers and more money. You fail to appreciate the few coworkers that you enjoy and when you do you complain together (ie give attention to) the ones you don’t enjoy for whatever reason. You complain (ie give attention to ) about the lack of money instead of envisioning a larger paycheck and the joy of doing with it some fun activity or the relief of paying off a debt.
So you want a more supportive and attentive mate. You fail to appreciate the support and attention that you are getting however frequent or infrequent but instead focus on the times things didn’t go the way you want them to. It is better to pay attention to what you like and enjoy and/or create scenarios in your mind about how it would be in the ideal. Imagine the kind of moments you would like to share instead of rehashing the moments that didn’t go the way you want. If you want more attention then give more attention. If you want more freedom to be who you are then give that freedom. If you want more time alone to enjoy each other then make the most of the moments you are alone even if it is rare.
When you make the most of something you love it expands to fill your world and crowds out all other experiences so you never have to work at or worry about experiences you don’t want. You just have to fill your mind with experiences you do want.